


And we will turn from Dust to Stone

by phoenixsky



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magically Powerful Harry, Parseltongue, Torture, because snakes are awesome, idk I will update these while I'm going
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-12 07:02:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7090681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixsky/pseuds/phoenixsky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being kidnapped by Death Eaters and barely escaping with his life, Harry had to learn to trust his own power in order to fight his way back into life. And as if that wasn't difficult enough already, it seemed as if nobody was able to see him. Well, except for a very drunk, very annoying Draco Malfoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Darkness

The cell was small, measuring maybe four square meters. The walls were made from some rough kind of stone, but he couldn’t see the color, as it was completely dark inside his prison. It was cold, and the air was heavy around him. The only noise he could hear was his breath, his heartbeat, and the low hum of his own voice.

Harry Potter wasn’t the kind of person to hum. He actually found it quite annoying. But here in this silent, black hell, his own voice was the only thing keeping him sane.

Or maybe he wasn’t quite so sane anymore. He didn’t really remember what it felt like to trust his own mind. To see something and to be absolutely sure that it was there, and not just a cruel trick of his own imagination. To hear something and to believe that other people could hear it as well.

Other people. How long had it been that he had seen another person, heard another voice? Harry didn’t remember. There was no way for him to tell how much time had passed since he’d been thrown into this hole. A few days? Weeks? He didn’t remember eating anything while being here, and his mouth was painfully dry because of the lack of water. How long could a human survive without water? Surely only a few days? So he couldn’t have been here for a very long time, could he? But maybe the Death Eaters had cast some kind of spell, which kept him alive even without any food.

Harry contemplated shifting onto his back. It seemed like a huge task, too tiring to even consider. Most of the time he didn’t even open his eyes, because keeping them open would take to much energy. And if he closed his eyes he could pretend that it was all only a bad dream. He could dream himself away to Hogwarts, into the arms of his friends. He could dream himself on his loyal broom, flying upwards until his breath turned into ice and he could touch the clouds.

Sometimes Harry even dreamed about being with the Dursleys again. Everything was better than the cell he was currently lying in. At the Dursley’s he’d had a bed, a real bed. And he had been allowed to go outside where there was sunlight and people. He missed people so much. Sometimes he wished some of the Death Eaters who had kidnapped him right from that fucking stupid supermarket would come back. Harry would gladly let them torture him, as long as they would talk to him. He had never been happy around many people, because it usually ended with some kind of ambush upon him. But during his childhood at the Dursley’s, he had hated being alone. Alone meant a small, dark cupboard. Alone meant nobody to talk to him for hours or days.

Harry would take Voldemort over another second in this hell anytime. But it didn’t matter. When he had been dumped inside this cell, the cold laugher of the Death Eaters ringing in his ears, he had been screaming. He had cursed them and had punched and kicked the walls of the cell until his hands and feet had been bleeding. Hundreds of escape plans had been fabricated by his panicked mind, and none had worked. They had taken his wand, so he couldn’t even use his magic to try and free himself.

In the beginning he had been so sure that somebody would soon arrive to safe him. He had waited for Dumbledore to suddenly appear in his cell, or for Ron and Hermione to tear down the walls of his prison. Then he had remembered that the summer had just begun. Everyone would simply think the Dursleys were keeping him busy with chores. It would take time for someone to realize that he had been kidnapped. And how would anybody find him?

Harry opened his eyes for a second. There were lights lazily floating above him, but he was quite sure that they weren’t real. Rising his hand to find out if he could touch him was too much of a struggle though. He simply stared at them for a few seconds before closing his eyes again.

He would die here. If he didn’t die from starvation or exhaustion, then Voldemort would step through one of these walls and would kill him with a single flip of his wand. He would never avenge Sirius death. He would never safe his friends. He would never see Ron again. Never see Hermione again. Would never again eat too much of Molly’s cake or correct Arthur’s assumptions over some stupid muggle toy.

He would never see Hagrid again. He would never again run through the corridors of Hogwarts, his home, and he would never again receive a stern look of Professor McGonagall for being late for class. He would never fly again. He would never see Remus again.

Harry was tired. He had tried so damn hard to be the hero everyone expected him to be. He had lost so many people he had loved and now he was lying in a pitch black cell, waiting for his death. The young wizard couldn’t help but feel angry for a second, because why couldn’t anyone safe _him_ for a change? But the second passed and being angry was too tiring again.

Harry Potter started humming again. His voice followed the mantra his mind was screaming into the silence

_I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to be here anymore._

_Please._

_._

_._

_._

_._

One and a half month after capturing Potter, two figures in black cloaks conjured a door into one wall of the prison, which held the young boy. They had been ordered to bring the wizard to the main hall, for their Lord to see and for him to kill.

Excitedly they opened the door and were greeted by complete darkness and a foul smell. The Potter boy wouldn’t have had to relieve himself as he hadn’t eaten any food, and a spell made sure there was enough clean air for a human to survive, but it still stank terribly. Nevertheless the two men were grinning madly. Today was the day their Lord would finally kill the boy, and his reign over the wizarding world would finally begin. They had waited a very long time for this day.

One of the figures cast a quick _Lumos_ , as no natural light could reach into the cell. The white light of his wand seemed to recoil from the darkness for a second, before it slowly started to reach into the corners of the small room.

The breathing of the two men started to become erratic as they realized that they were the only ones inside the cell. There was no sign of the Potter boy ever being there. Panic clouded their minds as they turned towards each other. They knew that they wouldn’t survive delivering the news to the Dark Lord. It would have been foolish to attempt to flee from their Lord’s rage though, as it would simply lengthen their torture.

Trembling with fear, the two Death Eater closed the cell again. They took their time returning to the main hall where the Dark Lord and the other Death Eaters were waiting. In their minds they were saying Goodbye to their families as they stepped into the hall and towards their death.


	2. Lies and a Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t want to wake up.”, Harry whispered. The thought of returning to reality, of facing all the problems and duties waiting for him, was scaring him. For the first time in many years he was completely calm. Giving up his rest seemed to be an impossible sacrifice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Parseltongue_

Chapter 1

The silence in the large room was a strained and tired one. Several people were sitting around the large table, some staring at the wooden surface, some nervously looking at the others. Some men and women had chosen to stand instead of transfiguring something into a chair. It seemed as if they were all waiting for something, or someone. At the head of the table, the oldest of the present wizards and witches was sitting in a simple, wooden chair. Albus Dumbledore, one of the most powerful wizards in the world, looked older than ever. His eyes lacked the amused sparkle which had given them all a little bit of hope in other dark times. But today, Dumbledore seemed to be weary, as if he had lost a battle he hadn’t even known he was fighting.

The sudden bang of the front door being thrown shut and the portrait of Walburga Black coming alive as violently as always made them all sit up straighter. Anxious eyes stared at the door which connected the meeting room to the narrow hallway. The door flew open and a very angry looking Remus Lupin walked into the room. Some of the Order members had to control themselves not to grab their wands at the sight of the furious werewolf. Lupin stopped in front of the table, his eyes fixed on Dumbledore across the room.

“They haven’t seen him since the second day of summer.”

Immediately, the former silence was interrupted by angry and nervous shouts. Dumbledore himself closed his eyes for a few seconds. The white-haired wizard seemed to age a few years just sitting there. The tumult continued for a short amount of time until a loud growl silenced them all. Everyone stared at Lupin, who’s eyes appeared to gleam a little more yellow than normally. Obviously the usually so calm man was loosing his patience.

Lupin was still staring at Dumbledore. “How could you leave him at that terrible place anyway?! You knew all these years that they were treating him like dirt! So many times I offered to let Harry stay at my flat for the holidays…”. His voice broke at the end of the sentence and nobody dared to speak while they all waited for the answer of their leader.

Dumbledore sighed, but he held his head high, meeting the werewolf’s stare. “It was the safest place for Harry. The blood wards –“

“Obviously it wasn’t safe at all!”, interrupted him the anxious voice of Molly Weasley. She had tears in her eyes, but her mouth was set in an angry line. “If those horrible people haven’t seen him since the beginning of summer, then Harry was in the hands of You-Know-Who for…”

She looked at a wizard in the far corner, dressed completely in black. Although he was part of the Order and on the same side in the war as they all were, he seemed to stand apart. Severus Snape returned her questioning look with cold eyes. “About one and a half months. This confirms the words of Calver and Korrham, the Death Eaters who were guarding Potter’s cell.”

Molly turned around to face Dumbledore again. “One and a half months! And you heard Severus – under which conditions they held him in that horrible prison. No food, no water, no light…”. She started crying again, with her husband rubbing her back helplessly.

Dumbledore seemed to collect himself and stood up. Immediately the attention of the whole room was focused on him. He took a second to make sure that his voice would be strong instead of shaking with the uncertainty he was actually feeling.

“Harry had to endure horrible things because of Voldemort yet again. I am as shocked and angry as all of you are, but right now we need to focus on the only important task: we need to find Harry.”

Most of the Order members nodded, but some seemed to be rather discouraged. Moody spoke up, his gruff voice speaking out what many of them were thinking.

“I agree with you Albus, but… can we be sure that the boy is still alive? I like Potter and I would gladly turn over every damn stone to find him, but You-Know-Who is getting stronger every day. I’ve heard from several of my contacts at the Auror department that the Ministry isn’t clean anymore. We need to be prepared to fight back.”

Blue eyes met black ones as Dumbledore glanced at Snape. They were the only ones in the room to know about the prophecy, the only ones who knew that there was no chance of defeating Voldemort without Harry Potter.

“Thanks to Severus we know Voldemort thinks that Harry escaped. We need to believe the same and hope that we will find him as soon as possible. In the meantime, it is absolutely essential that nobody knows about Harry’s disappearance. Severus will tell Voldemort that Harry returned to us safely and that he is currently recovering at a safe house. Alastor –“, he looked at the former Auror, “I ask you and Kingsley to form a small group which observes and if possible prevents the Death Eater activity in the Ministry. Work silently as we can’t afford a direct confrontation right now.”

Dumbledore waited for Moody’s nod before turning towards Lupin. “Remus, if you could try to reestablish your ties to Greyback’s pack –“

“No.”, interrupted the werewolf the older wizard. “My first priority is to find Harry and to protect him. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing he’s out there all alone while I’m not doing everything I can to help him.” His voice was cold and didn’t leave any room for discussions. Dumbledore seemed to recognize this as well, and he nodded slowly.

“Of course, Remus. I understand your need to search for Harry and I would never force you to betray yourself.”

He turned towards Molly. “Molly, Arthur, I know this will be difficult for you as you both love Harry as if he was your own son. But it is absolutely necessary that neither your son Ron nor Miss Granger nor any other friend of Harry hears about this. They can’t know about him disappearing. Their worry and immediate search for their friend would alert Voldemort and we can’t risk that. Do you understand?”

Dumbledore’s voice was warm, but his eyes were set on the married couple with an intense focus. Molly simply sobbed into a big handkerchief her alarmed husband had handed her a few minutes ago, but Arthur Weasley met the Headmaster’s look. The red-haired wizard nodded slowly.

“We will do everything to protect Harry and if that means we have to keep quiet about him being nowhere to find, so be it. We’ll tell them about the safe house. But Ron and Hermione are already worried because their letters all returned to them unopened. And the seventh school year will start in only two weeks. How will we explain Harry’s absence if we haven’t found him until then?”

Dumbledore straightened and some of the magic sensitive Order members shivered when they felt the man’s magic rise around him. The old wizard looked at them all, his eyes shining with determination.

“We will find him. And then we will finally make sure that Voldemort won’t hurt anyone again.”

 

::…::…::

 

Hermione Granger was frustrated. Her best friend had disappeared and nobody was telling her anything. Also, the book in front of her didn’t make any sense and she hated it when that happened. She was used to trust people with authority and to trust books, and in this moment both were letting her down.

Next to her Ron argued quietly with the family’s owl, Errol. The old owl might have flown against various windows a few times too often, but it still knew that Ron didn’t have the authority to send the letter he was currently holding. As one of the youngest Weasley family members he couldn’t just write an official letter to Gringotts. Ron knew this very well, but desperate situations and all that, so he tried anyway.

Hermione sighed and turned towards her boyfriend. “It’s okay, Ron. We will simply have to make a stop at a Muggle bank to get the money. It’s probably quicker than changing Galleons into pound anyway.”

Ron frowned, but he put the letter down. Errol tuted excitedly, obviously proud to have won the discussion.

“It will slow us down, Mione. It’s bad enough that we can’t use any bloody magic, but if we start out without any muggle money as well…”

Hermione shrugged. “I have some money with me. And although I still don’t like the idea, I suppose I could ask my parents to send me some money as well. Enough for two train tickets to London. Right now our biggest problem is the spell to hide our magical signature.” She stared at the book in utter betrayal. “I just don’t understand what they are talking about here. In one paragraph they mention a potion, and in the next one you are supposed to cast two spells at the same time and with the same wand! That doesn’t make any sense!"

Ron quickly walked over to the frustrated witch and leaned down to hug her. “It’s okay, Mione. If _you_ can’t understand it, then it must be complete nonsense anyway. And if we can’t find a solution, we will simply apparate to the house of those muggle relatives of Harry, magical signature be damned.”

Hermione sighed and closed the book. “The Order members will find out about it immediately, you know that. And then they will know that we want to search for Harry. As if it is so surprising that we don’t trust them to find Harry without us – when did they ever manage to do something without us?” Her voice was bitter, the strain of worrying constantly for weeks obvious in her face.

Ron was about to reassure her, though he wasn’t really sure how to do it. Therefore, he didn’t know if he was annoyed or relieved when a knock on his door interrupted their conversation.

“Ron? Hermione? I don’t want to know why there is a silencing charm around your room, but Mum said we should come downstairs. Something about Harry.”

They looked at each other in surprise and then hurried towards the door. Hermione opened it to reveal a slightly amused, but tired looking Ginny. They were all looking tired, waiting and hoping for any news about Harry.

“Well, that was quick.”, she commented and countered her brother’s annoyed glare with a quick wink. “Mum wouldn’t tell me anything until you were there too, so let’s go. I just hope they finally found him!"

Together they quickly ran down the narrow stairs and into the small living area of the Burrow. Instead of scolding them for running inside the house, Molly greeted them with an exhausted smile. She gestured for them to sit down and with a quick wave of her wand, three cups of hot chocolate hovered in front of each of them. They all took the cups but none of them drank any of the sweet smelling liquid. Anxiously they stared at the older witch.

“Well, I just came back from the Order meeting. The important news first – they found Harry.” Her voice broke somewhere in the middle of the sentence. However, the children sitting in front of her didn’t notice. Ginny and Hermione both let out a broken sob that they had held inside themselves for so long. Ron’s hands shook violently as he put down his cup. He took a shaking breath and put his arms around both his sister and his girlfriend. Together they just breathed for a second, feeling all their worry disappear.

Hermione found her voice first. She looked at Molly with wet eyes and the older witch felt a stab of pain as she was forced to lie to the girl or, well, young woman she considered her daughter. “Is he well? Where did you find him? I want – we want to see him!”

Ron nodded, his face set with determination. “We can pack a few things and be downstairs again in five minutes, Mum. Then we can floo to wherever Harry is right now.” He smiled at Hermione. “There’s no way we let that idiot out of our eyes for the rest of the summer.”

Ginny stood up together with the other two. “Me too. Harry and I might not be together anymore, but obviously he can’t be trusted to be left alone.” They had tried dating for a few weeks last year at school, but had quickly decided that it felt too much like kissing your sibling to be entirely comfortable. Harry was still one of her best friends though, so there was no way the others would go to see him without her.

Molly sighed and wished her husband would be at her side right now. As it was, Arthur was still at the Order’s Headquarters, discussing their plans regarding the Ministry. She hated to be forced to do this to her own children. How she wished Dumbledore would tell the lies himself instead of asking her to lie for him. But it was probably for the best. She knew that at least Ron and Hermione had made plans to search for Harry on their own, and Ginny had probably planned to join them. They would have been in so much danger yet _again_ , and she was tired of sitting at home fearing for her children’s life.

She shook her head and lifted her hands. “I’m sorry, dears, but it’s not possible for you to visit Harry just yet. The poor boy is hidden in a safe house and is still recovering from his wounds.”

Ron opened his mouth, no doubt to say something rather disrespectful without thinking it through. Luckily, Hermione spoke up faster.

“But Molly, if he was wounded we need to see him even more quickly. Harry hates to lie around, being helpless. It would be easier for him with us there.”

Ginny nodded. “And what happened to him anyway? Why and how was he wounded?”

Molly looked at her, feeling horribly helpless herself. “Well, I’m afraid I can’t tell you everything.” She held up her hands again to stop the immediate protests from the three children. “But I can tell you that he had been kidnapped by Death Eaters. They held him imprisoned in some kind of cell, but he was able to escape.”

Molly wished with her whole life that she was telling the truth. The things Severus had told them all about the magical prison Harry had been held in… It was horrifying. And to think that after all these weeks of … well, _torture_ , the poor boy was still out there, somewhere, probably all alone and hurt… It broke her heart. But everything was better than thinking about the possibility of Harry being dead.

The three children – they were still children in her eyes and it would probably never change – in front of her were still protesting. From somewhere inside her the witch took the strength to shake her head again.

“No. I’m sorry, but Harry needs to rest. He is safe and he is recovering, with the best healers by his side. I’m sure he would let you stay at his side the whole time – but right now it’s best for him to simply rest. You will see him when you all go back to Hogwarts, surely.”

Her voice left no room to argue and so the three mumbled a short agreement before running up to their rooms again. They would probably all write letters, telling their friend how happy they were that he was safe, and how they wanted to see him no matter what everyone else said. Molly stared at the three untouched cups of chocolate and sighed again. Maybe, because of some miracle, those letters would find the Boy Who Lived, wherever he might be.

 

::…::…::

 

Everything was white. And loud. He hadn’t known there was so much _noise_ in the world. There was a bird right next to him. It was jumping around, chirping excitedly. Maybe it was calling its… mate? Did birds have mates? Were they even called mates? Or maybe it was calling its children? Was it a ‘he’ or a ‘she’?

So many questions and the chirping bird was only one of hundreds of noises surrounding Harry Potter. There were other animals disturbing the silence of the forest, and even the forest itself seemed to whisper whole stories with their rustling leaves and branches.

Harry thought about closing his eyes, but he was afraid of loosing the light around him. After so many … weeks? … spent in complete darkness, the sunlight seemed to burn his eyes. Still he continued to stare into the sky, unable to believe that he was out of the cell. He wasn’t sure if he was dead or still alive. If he was alive he had no idea how he had escaped. If he was dead… well, at the moment it troubled him less than it probably should have. But after spending so much time in despair and praying for everything to end, he allowed himself to relax.

He knew that he should stand up, find a way to get to the Headquarters or the Burrow and tell everyone that he was fine. He should do so many things, but he was still so tired. The raven-haired wizard blinked lazily as he enjoyed the warm sunlight on his face and the clear air around him. He wasn’t even hungry or thirsty anymore. Did that mean he was dead?

Suddenly the grass left to his head rustled, shifting around a long, slim body. Harry didn’t pay any attention to the noise until a voice spoke to him, the words dragged into a familiar hiss.

 _“You have slept here for a long time already,_ Avhar. _It is time for you to wake up.”_

Harry slowly turned his head towards the voice and blinked again when he came face to face to a black snake. She, and Harry was quite sure that it was a ‘she’, was probably the length of his arm and stared at him with dark green eyes. He thought about her words for a few seconds before he turned his head again to look at the sky.

 _“No.”_ , he answered calmly. He didn’t want to wake up yet. He hadn’t even been aware that he was sleeping, but waking up sounded exhausting. Wait, did that mean he was currently dreaming? Could one dream if he was dead?

The snake hissed impatiently. _“You were hurt badly, young one. But you need to wake up to start to heal.”_

Harry thought about that for a little bit. He had been hurt badly, yes. But he had been hurt before, hadn’t he? So why was he still feeling like he was floating in the air, somewhere between taking his first breath and never breathing again? Why was this time so much more difficult?

Next to him the grass shifted again, and then he could feel the snake coil up on his chest. She stared at him as if she expected him to suddenly jump up. He bit his lip and sighed.

 _“I don’t want to wake up.”_ , he whispered. The thought of returning to reality, of facing all the problems and duties waiting for him, was scaring him. For the first time in many years he was completely calm. Giving up his rest seemed to be an impossible sacrifice.

The snake on his chest leaned forward. Somehow her eyes expressed sympathy and Harry immediately felt less lonely. The young wizard was surprised by himself for a second – he hadn’t even been aware that he had been feeling lonely.

 _“I know,_ Avhar. _But you are very brave and I know you can find yourself again.”_

Harry suddenly wanted nothing more than to close his eyes and dream. He wanted to not have to make this decision. But then he remembered the cell and the fury he felt during the first days of his captivity. He remembered feeling helpless and suddenly he felt the overwhelming desire to never feel like that again.

Above him, the snake hissed encouragingly. _“Yes. Find your strength again, young one. Open your eyes and force the world to look at you.”_

Harry furrowed his brows and stared at the snake in confusion. _“But… my eyes are already open…?”_

The snake let out a series of short hisses, which didn’t make any sense to Harry until he realized that the animal was laughing at him.

_“I don’t mean the eyes of your body, young one. I mean your eyes to your own magic and your eyes to the world. The eyes to the sky and the eyes to the earth.”_

Harry groaned quietly. The words of the snake didn’t make any sense to him and he was far too tired to try and figure out the meaning behind them. As far as he knew he only had one pair of eyes and not even those were doing their job correctly. Though now that he was thinking about it – the Death Eaters had taken his glasses too. Without his wand and without being able to see clearly he had been truly helpless. But right now he could see everything crystal-clear… better than he had ever seen the world around him. Slowly he lifted his right arm and let his fingers slide over his face. No glasses. A sudden sense of invasion of his privacy shook his body. Someone or … something had changed his body! Of course he had never liked his poor eyesight, but he hated the thought that something had changed his body without his consent.

The snake on his chest hissed nervously. _“Calm down,_ Avhar. _Nothing touched your body other than your own magic.”_ She slithered forward until her head swayed directly over Harry’s eyes. _“Now let me help you with coming back to yourself. Let me help you open your inner eyes.”_

Harry felt a cold shudder rush through his body. _“You mean like… a Seer?? With prophecies and all that rubbish? I’m sorry but I don’t have the best experience with that and I’m pretty sure I’m blind on both of my inner eyes.”_

The snake swayed a little bit more strongly as if she was shaking her head. She was also laughing at him again. Harry wondered if he should feel a little bit offended by that but decided against it.

_“I am not talking about your eyes for the future to come, young one. Not many humans or creatures have them and I don’t think you were gifted with that particular ability. No, I am talking about your inner eyes which can see past the walls of what you believe is there and let you see magic itself.”_

She shifted again, and this time she slid over his eyes, forcing the young wizard to close his eyes. Again he was surrounded by darkness, but this time he wasn’t alone. The heavy, warm weight on his eyes seemed to ground him, and Harry hummed contently as he allowed his body to relax again. Around him the noise of the forest seemed to soften until there were only mere whispers disturbing the silence.

 _“You need to learn how to see again like you learned to speak after you were born. But to see the magic around you, you need to find it in yourself first. Breath, young one,_ Avhar _, and I promise you will find your strength_. _Breath… find the center of your power and follow its rivers through your body.”_

Harry took a deep breath and started the search for his magic. The forest around him whispered, and the sun started to die at the end of another day. Animals and magical creatures alike started to join the whispers as they watched the young wizard who was neither really there amongst them, nor was he lost to the world behind the shadows just yet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some general stuff: I will update every Monday (or at least I'll try). English is not my first language, so please excuse any mix-ups of American and British phrases. If you find any unintentional grammatical experiments - please tell me. 
> 
> I hope you like the way the story is going so far. Just to warn you, there are going to be quite a lot of POVs. If there are any questions, any suggestions or if you need to tell someone about that awesome sandwich you ate for lunch today - feel free to comment :)


	3. Running Wild and Running Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Very good, young one. And you are right – you could be much more powerful if you learned to follow the pulse of your magic instead of forcing it to stay locked inside you. Think of it as a river. How can it move fast and strong if you force it to flow through a small opening? Let it out, let it move around you.”_

Chapter 2

 

Harry had never thought about how magic looked like. Sure, different spells had different colors, and you could see what magic could _do_ , like making brooms fly and letting food appear from seemingly thin air. But he had never thought about how magic itself looked like, or if it would even be possible to see it.

The young wizard didn’t know how long he had been lying here in this forest, his eyes closed and his mind focused inwards. He couldn’t really be bothered to care anyways. Voldemort, saving the world, even his friends – everything seemed to be so far away, as if it was part of a different reality altogether. In some part of his brain a tiny voice was screaming at him to get up, to tell everyone that he was still alive, and to do his duty as the Boy Who Lived. But most of him was still tired. Not in the physical sense, in contrary, he actually felt better than before he had been kidnapped. But his thoughts swirled around slowly whenever he considered standing up.

He didn’t feel cold or warm or… anything really. Everything that made him a thinking human being was focused on the small spark of pulsating power that he had managed to locate in his chest. It was nestled inside his body in about the same height as his heart, but on the right sight of his body. The snake, which was still winded around his eyes, had hissed excitedly in his ear when he had found the spark. Somehow he was able to actually _see_ it, although his eyes were closed. It was a different kind of seeing than what he was used to… it was more like feeling the spark of power, sensing it. If he had to describe it, he would say that it was deep midnight blue and brilliant green. It was small enough to fit in his hand but it also spread through his whole body. Harry followed the spark through his right arm, watched it flow into every single finger. If he concentrated enough he could even feel his body tingle with the power surging through it. He had never been so aware of his magic. The only time he had felt that tingle of magic before had been in his third year, when he had cast the _Patronus_ to save Sirius and himself.

Harry had never considered himself a very powerful wizard. He was talented in Defense, yes, but that didn’t make him powerful. Some of his classmates were much quicker at learning new spells or at managing difficult and complex casting. Even when he had fought with Voldemort he had never really used _powerful_ magic. It had always been something along the lines of _Expelliarmus_ , spells that every student his age could cast. But now that he was watching the core of his magic running through his body, he felt the potential behind all that power. Somehow he had the feeling of swimming against the tide – if he could just learn in which direction the water was going, then he could turn around and swim with it. His magic could be faster and stronger.

Through the haze of sensing his magic he could hear a by now familiar chuckle beside him. The snake which had opened his eyes was still there, protecting and guiding him.

_“Very good, young one. And you are right – you could be much more powerful if you learned to follow the pulse of your magic instead of forcing it to stay locked inside you. Think of it as a river. How can it move fast and strong if you force it to flow through a small opening? Let it out, let it move around you.”_

Harry felt a thrill of anticipation at the words of the animal, but also a surge of fear. He had never heard of someone just … letting the magic go loose. That was why they were using their wands: to control the magic and to focus it. Would he loose the control over his power if he set it free? Maybe even loose it completely?

He voiced his doubts and the snake seemed to tighten around his head for a second. _“No,_ Avhar. _The magic is yours to control, its power yours to wield. But in order to truly gain control over it, you must first understand it and trust it completely.”_

Harry couldn’t help but laugh a little, although he only did it in his mind. Trust his magic? When had he ever truly trust anything? He had been let down too often, had seen friends turn into enemies only for them to come back and lie into his face about always believing in him. Sure, he trusted his few close friends, but he still couldn’t tell them everything. He trusted Dumbledore but still couldn’t help resenting him every time the summer began. He had trusted Sirius but he had never been blind to the flaws of his godfather. And himself? He had never trusted himself. Too many times his accidental magic had betrayed him at the Dursley’s, leaving him alone in his cupboard, without any food or contact to other people. Too many times he had acted impulsively, and with doing so he had made everything so much worse. So with all that, how could he trust his magic?

He could almost feel the impatient huff of the snake above him and convinced himself to at least try. He once again let himself drown in the blue and green waves that was his magic. The wizard surrounded himself with the pulsating power, trying to comprehend it. He felt a little bit silly, treating his own magic like another human, but it made his task easier. He could feel his magic perking up when it realized that it was the sole center of Harry’s attention. He almost gasped when he was suddenly swept away by its power. For a second he panicked – it felt like being held underwater by strong waves, with no way to get to the surface and take a breath. But then he felt a curious poking from the magic around him. Even while being completely surrounded by it, he could still breath freely. Harry calmed down and tried to open his mind towards his magic. The dark blue part of it seemed to calmly study him in return, while the green part jumped around him in excitement.

Slowly, he learned to read his magic. He could see how it wanted to break free and _do something_. How it wanted to raise him up in the sky and how it wanted to hurt the people who hurt him. His magic was part of himself, but it also had a will on its own. And slowly but surely Harry got the feeling that the blue part of his power was pissed off. It was angry at Voldemort and his Death Eaters, it was angry at the Dursleys, it was angry at Snape and it was angry at Dumbledore. Harry could see how it wanted to find those who had hurt him and hurt them back. It scared him. How could this angry power be part of himself? How could such… hatred be something he was supposed to trust?

He asked the snake and when she answered, she sounded quite angry herself. _“Young one, that anger is your own. And it is rightfully yours. Many people hurt you, and it is your right to be angry and to demand revenge. It does not make you a Dark wizard, nor does it make you what you humans call an evil person. As long as the price you demand is just, you can trust your anger to protect and to serve you.”_

Harry tried to understand her words, but it was difficult for him to grasp the concept. Whenever he had been angry before, it had only made his life more complicated. Getting angry at Uncle Vernon had resulted in a blue eye and no food. Getting angry at his classmates let everyone believe he was ‘unstable’. Or possessed by Voldemort. Over the years he had learned to swallow his anger down and to go on with all his fury hidden behind a mask. It didn’t always work, but at least less people were yelling at him to ‘grow up and stop complaining like a little boy’. But now, for the first time, he thought that maybe he had the _right_ to be angry. 

He took a deep mental breath and surged back into the whirl of his power. The dark blue waves still waited for him, regarding him with new interest. Harry hesitated for a second before he tried to reach out to it. Around them the strings of brilliant green magic moved with new energy. Harry felt like taking a step forward into the the dark blue water in front of him. It seemed to tug at him and ask him for permission to do… something. To do what? The answer was laid down before his inner eyes and he stared at it for a second, hesitating again. The permission to be angry. To let himself feel all the injustice, the fury and the rage he had suppressed all these years. He could feel his magic wait patiently until he made his decision.

He agreed.

Immediately he felt white blazing anger taking over his body. He almost screamed as tears started to run down his cheeks. He experienced it all again, all those moments when he had felt wronged. He saw the Dursleys ignoring him, hitting him, abusing him. He had been a mere child, completely helpless! It wasn’t right that they had hurt him for so many years. He was allowed to feel enraged. He was allowed to bloody scream his rage at anybody who was responsible for his miserable childhood. His anger took a turn. Harry shook as the face of Dumbledore rose in his mind. How could he turn a blind eye on his situation at his so called home? All because some blood wards which Harry had never gotten proof were even there. And obviously it hadn’t been safe there for him at all. Not only had he been abused by the same people who should have been his family, but he had been attacked by Dementors and had been abducted by Death Eaters. How was staying at Hogwarts or the Burrow for the summer less safe? It didn’t make any sense and Dumbledore never bothered to explain anything to him! He only wanted Harry to do as he said, without asking any fucking questions!  

It went on and on. Harry screamed his anger at Snape for tormenting him for years, all because he reminded him of his father. He growled as he remembered the Ministry and how they either tried to control him or treated him like a criminal. He felt utter betrayal as he thought of the other students of Hogwarts, who were always quick to judge him, but took several years and Voldemort laughing at them to believe him. He wanted to punch Draco fucking Malfoy in his face for always making sure the whole school laughed at him. He even wanted to yell at Ron for abandoning him in fourth year.

And he sobbed with rage as he thought of Voldemort. He didn’t deserve all this shit. He didn’t deserve being marked by a power-hungry madman at the age of one. He didn’t deserve being part of that stupid prophecy. How was it fair that he had to fight for his life every single year? How was it fair of adults to rely on him to safe the world? And how could nobody understand that he. didn’t. want. this. He didn’t want to be famous. He didn’t want to either be treated like a hero or treated like an outcast. He simply wanted to go to school and live his life like everyone else. And Harry felt so damn angry that everyone seemed to think it was their right to demand this of him. It was his own fucking life, and sometimes he just wanted to leave and never look back. Let them all solve their problems without him. If Dumbledore was so powerful and all-knowing, why couldn’t he kill Voldemort? Why couldn’t they find another hero, someone who fit their image of what he should be like. 

And so it went on. Harry’s real eyes were still closed while his inner eyes showed him the blue storm he was standing inside of.  It felt so good to let all that anger roam freely. Harry cried and laughed and the forest around him shook as his magic lashed out into the sky.

 

::…::…::

 

Dumbledore looked up from where he was writing a letter when he heard Fawkes vanish in a high flame. He frowned lightly. The phoenix normally stayed by his side except for when he asked him to deliver an urgent message. This was the first time he could remember his familiar to simply disappear without even a short warning. The old wizard looked back at the letter and suppressed a sigh. The new school year was about to begin, and still there was no sign of Harry Potter to be found. The Order members had searched everywhere, and they where still searching, but it was difficult to keep believing. Although Dumbledore hated the thought, he had to start making plans for the eventuality that the foreseen savior of the wizarding world was dead.

He was about to pick up his quill again when some of the golden instruments in the shelf beside him suddenly started to vibrate. They were emitting a soft humming sound which rose up until the old wizard’s ears were ringing because of the noise. With a swift motion of his wand he silenced the instruments. Before he could try to find out what had caused them to react that way, he could feel it himself. There was a sudden chill in the air, and it seemed to call to him. Dumbledore felt a mixture of curiosity and fear rising inside of him. This was powerful magic, and it was being released uncontrolled into the world. It was very dangerous and from the feeling of it, it happened very closely to where he was. The thought of something dangerous happening close to Hogwarts set him on edge, even without the students being at the school.

Dumbledore quickly threw some floo powder into the flames of his fire place and called out the name of his loyal friend’s home. He waited anxiously, but managed to hide his surprise as the green flames formed into blond hair instead of black one.

Draco Malfoy looked worn, but even with only his head being visible, it was clear that he was still holding his head high above everyone else. He looked surprised to see his Headmaster, but nodded respectfully. 

“Headmaster. Do you wish to speak with Severus?”

Dumbledore nodded. “Yes, thank you Mr. Malfoy. Please call him quickly, even if he is in the middle of brewing a particularly fascinating potion.”

Malfoy seemed to wince at his own name, but he agreed to call the potion master. Before he turned away, he hesitated for a second and looked at Dumbledore questioningly. “Professor, I think I felt a wave of powerful magic just a minute ago. Do you know what –“

Dumbledore interrupted him, shaking his head. “No, Mr. Malfoy, I’m afraid I can’t discuss this with you. But I am sure Severus will tell you everything he can after he’ll return.”

The young Malfoy frowned, his mouth tightening in an unpleasant way. Nevertheless, he nodded shortly, turning away from the fire place to call for his godfather.

Dumbledore sighed and forced himself to be patient while waiting for Severus. The situation of the young Malfoy was something else that he hadn’t been able to predict. He had been so sure, even at the end of the boy’s fifth year, that he was completely under the control of his father. Instead he had watched the boy become more and more miserable and frightened during his sixth year, spending the holidays with Severus in Hogwarts instead of returning home. He sighed. Of course he was pleased that the boy had found the braveness to choose the right side in the war, but he wasn’t easily controlled. Dumbledore preferred to be able to control even the small things. But right now that wasn’t important, and he allowed himself to tap his food once, showing his growing impatience.

The old wizard regarded Fawkes’ empty stand with a thoughtful frown, trying to match it to the explosion of magical power that he could still taste in the air. If even the Malfoy boy had sensed it at Severus’ home, it must have been even stronger than he had realized. Of course he had to consider the fact that as a pureblood, Mr. Malfoy was very sensible to magical power, but it was still rather disturbing.

The green flames in the big fire place suddenly roared up, until they were easily at a man’s height. They only died down as the wizard which had appeared amidst them took a step forward, leaving the harmless fire. Severus Snape was scowling at nothing in particular as he shook the dust from his black robes. His hands were still clad in dragon-leather gloves and it was obvious that he had indeed been in the middle of brewing something.

The tall man nodded at the older wizard, his scowl becoming less prominent. “Albus. May I ask what was so utter important that I had to abandon my potion at a very sensitive stage of the brewing process?”

Dumbledore chuckled quietly at the obvious displeasure in the other man’s voice. At least some things would always be predictable for him.

“Severus, my boy, thank you for answering my call so quickly. I wanted to ask you to accompany me to the forest. Surely you have felt the magical outburst a few minutes ago?”

Snape frowned and shook his head. “My lab is heavily warded so that nothing can influence the brewing process of the more delicate potions. I didn’t feel anything. What happened?”

Dumbledore gestured towards the back door of his office. Together they walked down the hidden staircase which led directly out of the castle. On their way down, the Headmaster explained the sudden wave of power being released freely into the world that he had felt before.

“It must have been exceptionally powerful magic, if Draco could feel it all the way over the country at our home.”, said Snape slowly.

Dumbledore nodded. He noticed that Snape called it ‘our home’, including Mr. Malfoy in his sentiment. Obviously the arrangement that had been made was expected to last.

“It was indeed very powerful magic. I’m still unsure what could have caused it which is why I am glad you are accompanying me to the source of the power.”

Snape nodded, keeping his head high as they walked quickly towards the large forest. He had never shared the other’s fear of the creatures which lived hidden in the shadows of the trees, not even when he had still been a student himself. He was confident in his ability to defend himself, and had spent many nights wandering through the forest, collecting rare herbs for his potions. Except for full moon nights, of course. Those he spent behind locked doors, but that was nobody’s business. Snape couldn’t help but shiver as he entered the forest this evening, though, with the other wizard by his side. Somehow the forest seemed to hold his breath, as if every magical creature inhabiting it was waiting for a storm to come.

“Do you feel it, Severus?”, murmured Dumbledore, his face set in grave lines. “The magic is still in the air, still moving around us, though it’s getting weaker. Whoever released it was playing a very dangerous game. I wouldn’t be surprised if we found the person responsible for this at the edge of death.”

Snape glanced at the older wizard. “You seem to be greatly distressed by whatever happened, Albus. Do you fear that there will be consequences?”

The white-haired wizard kept silent for a few moments while they were still walking quickly through the forest. “It wasn’t only the pure strength of the magic which surprised me, Severus. It was the emotion behind it.” He glanced at his friend. “It was very angry magic. With so much anger bottled up inside a person… I am afraid that we might have another powerful Dark wizard at our hands.”

The potion master took a sharp breath. He could hear the hidden fear behind Dumbledore’s words. He silently considered the meaning of this while they continued to search for any trace of the source of the magic. If another powerful Dark wizard or witch arose, the chances of the Light side winning the on-going war was becoming even smaller.

 

::…::…::

 

The young wizard stared up into the dark sky and tried to stop thinking. For the first time in many years he had been able to rest this summer. But now it was all coming back to him, with his last school year about to start. His thoughts were clashing in his mind, making it unable to find even a minute of sleep. Drinking a potion would be admitting his weakness to himself and he had long ago decided to stop being weak.

He held a sigh inside of him, not letting it out. He wasn’t some kind of stupid schoolgirl, wasting away while waiting for his savior. His lips formed a cruel smile. Well, maybe he was a schoolgirl as he was indeed waiting for the world’s savior to stop being a fucking coward and come back.

“Draco?" 

The blond man turned around and this time his smile was warm and honest. Quickly he stepped inside the small house again, closing the door and leaving the night sky behind him.

“Mother. Why aren’t you in bed?” he asked carefully.

Narcissa Malfoy stood close to the fire place, seeking out its heat in this unusually cold night. She wore a light, white night gown and a silver dressing gown above it. Without any make up and her hair falling loosely around her shoulders she was still a beautiful woman. She seemed to belong to a different kind of world, a world with balls that lasted long into the night, with the best food and the most important people of the country swarming around her. A world where they were still living at Malfoy Manor. But that wasn’t their world anymore and now Narcissa Malfoy was standing in this small living room, relying on an old friend to protect her and her son.

She held out her arm and Draco quickly stepped forward to take her hand. They walked towards the old but comfortable couch and set down, holding each other close. Like so many times before Draco felt a painful stab of guilt as he thought of everything his mother had given up for him. She had told him that it wasn’t his fault and that she would gladly follow him everywhere he had to go, but it was still difficult for him to see his mother like this.

“I wanted to check on you, but you weren’t in your bed. Why can’t you sleep, little dragon?” his mother asked, her worry obvious in her voice. 

Draco shrugged, a gesture that was entirely undignified for a Malfoy. “It’s not the nightmares, if you worry about that. It’s… I can still feel it. The magic.” He shuddered but it wasn’t fear that he was feeling. It was a wild kind of joy as if he was waiting for something amazing and beautiful to happen. Which would have been less disturbing if he had any idea _what_ he was waiting for.

His mother let her fingers slide through his hair soothingly, a habit she picked up whenever he was distressed and they were alone. Draco would never admit it to anyone, but he loved the feeling of her fingers caressing his head, smoothing out the worried lines on his forehead.

“I must say that I am surprised by your… sensibility to that outburst of magic, whatever it really was. I felt it too, of course, but it was a sudden wave, quickly upon us and just as quickly gone.

Draco shook his head slightly. He couldn’t really explain how he had experienced that rush of power. He had felt powerful magic before. During his fifth year the Dark Lord had frequently lived at the Malfoy Manor and he still shuddered whenever he remembered the foul feeling of the madman’s magic. He could feel Dumbledore’s magic whenever the old man actually used it to do great things. But this… this had felt differently. He had not only felt the magic, he had _seen_ it. It had been a beautiful shade of blue, like the deep endless ocean during the night. It had twirled around him, recognizing him. And it had invited him to share its rage. He had never before felt so alive than when he had allowed the magic to rush through his body and his mind. Looking back, it had been foolish, dangerously stupid to allow foreign magic to possess him like that. But it had felt so right and he still couldn’t regret it. Instead he missed the sensation of feeling it in every part of his body. The faint taste of it that still seemed to linger in the air around him wasn’t enough to satisfy him. 

The magic had also felt familiar, but that was something he preferred not to think about.

Narcissa hold him closely for some more minutes before pulling out a letter from one of the pockets of her dressing gown. She glared at it for a second and Draco could once again understand why so many people feared his mother. It was not the same cold and calculated power like his father’s that was shining behind her eyes. It was the ruthless and hot fury of a mother that would do anything to protect her son. It was one of the reasons why Draco had never seen it as a sign of weakness that he felt safe in his mother’s arms.

“Well if we are already awake at such an awful hour, we might as well discuss the letter Lucius has sent to me this morning.” she said, her voice dangerously calm.

Draco sat up straight at the mention of his father’s name. He glared at the letter in his mother’s hand and then looked at her worriedly. “You already read it?” he asked.

Narcissa nodded. “He might be a bastard, but he would never send me a poisoned or cursed letter – at least not yet, not while he still believes that we will come back to him.” She opened the letter, her fingers moving cautiously as if she was holding a snake ready to attack. “Nevertheless, the content of the letter is simply atrocious. How dare he threaten me like that.”

Alarmed, Draco reached for his wand. “What did he write, mother?” the young man asked, forcing his voice to be steady.

Narcissa looked at her son then, her eyes taking in the handsome young wizard sitting next to her. She wasn’t blind to Draco’s faults, not at all, but she believed that she could see his strengths better than anybody else. Behind the arrogance and sarcasm was a strong wizard, who was not always brave but would do everything to protect his family. And now she and Severus were the sole focus of all that protectiveness. She knew that her son would set the world on fire to protect her and in return she would destroy cities and countries to keep him safe. It probably made her a horrible person that she was willing to sacrifice everything and everyone for her son, but she didn’t care.

Taking a deep breath, she let the letter fall down on the floor and grasped Draco’s hands in her own. “He wants us to return immediately. If I can’t convince you to join the Dark Lord’s side I am to leave you behind. If I don’t return until tomorrow night, he will use our Marriage Bond to force me to return to his side.”

Draco’s eyes filled with helpless anger as he listened to his mother’s words. “But that Bond is supposed to safe you when you were… kidnapped or in some other way forced to leave your partner’s side. It’s not supposed to be used to force you to go back to him when you left on your own will! How can he twist the Bond like that?” 

“It’s possible because he will accuse me of taking you from him. The Bond will recognize his anger at loosing his heir and will want to give him the chance of confronting me about it.”

Draco crossed his arms over his chest. It made him look like a small child, but Narcissa allowed it because she understood his need to express his defiance in some way. “But I left him because I wanted to. You didn’t… force me to leave him or something ridiculous like that.”

“I know.” Narcissa answered. “Unfortunately, the Bond doesn’t know it and it doesn’t care. But don’t worry, I know how to prevent this. Lucius may not accept it, but he doesn’t control me. He never did and he never will.”

She took out her wand and caressed the sleek, black wood lovingly. “You must understand this, Draco. I never loved your father. I thought I did, for a while, but I was fooling myself. I respected his power and his name and I respected my parents’ wish that I should marry him. All these years and I never really learned to love him. There is only one person in this world that I love, Draco, and that is you.”

Draco tried to take a deep breath, but his throat was strung together with tears which he didn’t allow to fall. “You know I love you, mother. And my love for father died the day he told me to follow the Dark Lord’s order concerning you. My love for him turned into hate the day I learned how he had hurt you again and again.”

Narcissa nodded, no sign of the pain she had endured noticeable in her face. She would do it again and again, endure all the pain her husband and his Lord had thrown at her and even more if it meant she was able to stay at her son’s side.

“I know, darling. And I’ve never been prouder of you than the day you entered my room and told me that you would never follow that madman. I would have followed you gladly, no matter which path you would have chosen. But now I will walk along, at your side and I will do so with my head held high.” She took a deep breath and raised her wand, leaving it directly in front of her face as if she was about to fight a duel. “And that is why I will do this, Draco, with joy in my heart. I don’t care about the consequences; I know this is the right thing to do.” 

Draco had hundreds of questions running through his mind but he kept silent as he watched his mother close her eyes. He could feel her gathering her magic and the fine hairs on his arms stood up when she opened her mouth.

“I, Narcissa Malfoy, née Black, call upon my right and my magic to cut the Bond to my husband, Lucius Abraxas Malfoy. Let all the ties be cut, let all the contracts be broken. I shall never again spend his money, shall never again use his name. He shall never again spend my money, shall never again call me his wife. From now on I bind myself to my son, Draco Lucius Malfoy and I shall protect him and stand by his side. No matter his name, no matter his status, no matter his father’s will. I call upon my magic to let me free and take my former husband’s ties with it.”

A blood red string came out of the tip of her wand when she said the last words of her Bond Oath and it slowly coiled around her wand arm. For a second it seemed to tighten almost painfully, but then it sunk into her skin, leaving behind a pattern of what looked like red vines on her skin. It would forever mark her as the breaker of her Marriage Bond to Lucius, but she would wear the signs with pride.

Draco stared at his mother in astonishment. What she had done… it was basically unheard of. Breaking a Bond like this, without the consent of the partner… it took a lot of magic to even perform the oath. But he couldn’t help but be incredibly proud to be the son of the strong witch in front of him. His smile turned into a wide grin as Narcissa Black raised her head and returned his smile with a new sense of freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title is taken from the song "Renegades" by X Anbassadors 
> 
>  
> 
> 10 days until my exams and I'm doing literally anything other than studying. I started watching "Suits" a few days ago. I actually cleaned my room. I never clean my room. This is horrible.
> 
>  
> 
> Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter and as always I'm always open to suggestions!


	4. It takes Two to be Whole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry tugged at his hair, leaving it in even more of a mess than its normal state. Just like his life. Why did stuff like this always happen to him?

Chapter 3 

 

The evening brought with it a heavy, drowsy heat. Even the animals appeared to be apprehensive to stay awake as the hot air built walls between the trees. For hours now there hadn’t been even the slightest breeze to bring relief.

Remus Lupin felt dirty. It wasn’t only an effect of staying in the woods for a whole week. He used cleaning charms on himself every morning and again when he had found a safe place to sleep. It wasn’t the same as taking a shower but it fulfilled its goal. No, he felt dirty because of where he was. The wolf inside of him growled as he stood at the edge of the forest, looking down at the large mansion seated in the valley below. It was an impressive building, more impressive than practical. The owners obviously wanted everyone to know that they had more money than any normal person would earn during their whole lifetime.

The werewolf continued to stare at the Malfoy Manor for a few minutes before turning away in disgust. The building stank of Dark magic – strong enough that he could still smell it miles away. Severus had told them about You-Know-Who staying there regularly, but he hadn’t expected the stench of his corrupted magic to reach so far. He gripped his wand tighter and turned his back to the mansion, walking deeper into the forest. Harry had been kept captive in the house for one and a half months, but Remus couldn’t feel any leftover trace of the boy’s magic. Of course Harry hadn’t had the chance to use his magic while being in the cell, and if Severus was correct then You-Know-Who still had Harry’s wand. But how could the boy have escaped without leaving any trace of magical signature?

The man took a deep breath and let the wolf in him take over. It rumbled happily at being allowed to run during the day. Remus let the wolf run through the forest, faster than any human would be able to. It had taken him a long time, but he had finally accepted the wolf as part of himself instead of thinking of it as a disease he wished to burn out of his body. Not many people understood the relationship between a man and his wolf. They thought he was a completely ‘normal’ person who was simply overcome by violence once a month. But instead he could always feel the beast at the back of his mind. During the day and with the full moon still two weeks away, Remus had complete control over the wolf. He could use its instincts and and its strength, but he stayed human. It was a small compensation for loosing all of his humanity every single month.

The wolf led him deeper into the forest, around them more shadows than sunlight. He tried to find Harry, a part of his pack, his pub. The wolf could feel his human worrying about the pub and knew it was in danger, so there was nothing more important to him than finding the lost boy. But no matter for how many hours he ran, he couldn’t find any trace of his pub. There was no scent clinging on trees, no footprints on the earth and no sense of the boy’s magic lingering in the air. He growled in frustration as he felt his human take over the control of their shared body again. He hadn’t found his pub yet and didn’t want to interrupt his search. But he knew that his human could use magic as well and that he as well would try to find the pub. So the wolf stepped aside, lying down in the back of his human’s mind, waiting for his turn again.

Remus took a shaky breath, fighting for the control of his body. After running for such a long time he felt ready to just lie down and sleep for a whole day, but he couldn’t afford loosing time. Harry had been missing for almost a week now, and that was after having been imprisoned by Death Eaters for six weeks. If Harry was alone somewhere, he was probably too weak to find any food or shelter. And without the spell of his prison, which had kept him alive even without any food, he had little to no chance to survive much longer. Without much hope he raised his wand until he held it on chest height. “ _Point me_ Harry Potter”, he said slowly, staring at it as if he wanted to force the spell to work with the glare of his eyes alone. The wand started to spin on his hand, trying to find its goal. But like all the times before, it simply stopped with the tip glowing red, showing that the spell didn’t succeed. Remus almost threw his wand down on the ground as frustration took over his mind for a second. He wanted to find Harry, would do everything to be at his side. But he simply didn’t know what more he could do. Magic couldn’t find the boy, his wolf was running in circles, and nobody had seen him since the beginning of summer. Well, except for those two Death Eaters that had caught him, but they were dead, killed by their Lord.

The wizard was desperately trying to think of another way to search for Harry when the wolf inside of him suddenly growled in alarm. Remus raised his wand, his eyes quickly scanning the area for threats. One moment he was alone and the next he was suddenly face to face with a woman and a man, both dressed completely in black. The werewolf cursed silently as he pointed his own wand towards the woman who was grinning madly at him. He wasn’t sure who the other Death Eater was, but he knew that Bellatrix Lestrange was completely crazy and very dangerous.

The dark witch laughed. “I must say, doggie, you are quite fast. We almost didn’t catch you.”

Her partner’s face was expressionless, but he raised a single eyebrow, his wand still pointed at Remus. “Remus Lupin, isn’t it? Didn’t you teach at Hogwarts? No wonder that our children learn nothing at all when their teachers are stupid enough to trigger every single ward in the area.”

Remus kept silent, still focusing on Bellatrix. He had known about the wards around Malfoy Manor, thank you very much, and he had also known that he would trigger them. But he had been forced to get as close to the mansion as possible to search for any sign of Harry or at least the boy’s magical signature.

Bellatrix laughed again, a mad cackle that spoke of her insanity. “Oh please, Rodolphus, darling. He’s not a real wizard or human, he’s a stupid animal. I would be surprised if he even understood what you’re talking about. At least he can clean himself, not like that ugly mutt Greyback. Do you understand us, doggie? Hmm? Woof, woof?”

Remus tried to force himself to stay calm. He had been practicing to stay calm for his whole life, and surely it must pay off by now. It didn’t and the werewolf felt himself getting angry. He knew that his only chance at escaping unharmed was to apparate immediately. On the other hand, this was the area with the highest possibility of picking up any kind of trail which led to Harry. If he had to leave now, the Death Eaters would probably start to patrol the woods, making it impossible to come back again.

Suddenly the male Death Eater disapperated, only to reappear directly behind Remus. Only because of the werewolf’s fast reflexes was he able to jump to the side and escape the curse flying at him from behind. Remus cursed, Bellatrix laughed and Rodolphus kept silent. But the wolf inside of the first man’s chest howled angrily and charged into the front of his human’s brain again. Together they guided their shared body, moving it almost too fast for a human eye to see. Remus grabbed his wand tighter, quietly raising a Shield Charm around himself. The wolf sharpened their eyes and ears, always aware of their enemies’ position. The werewolf was now standing at the edge of the small clearing, his back towards the trees. All three humans seemed to take a deep breath and then the fight started again.

Bellatrix cried out an angry _Crucio_. Remus had to use all of his power to hold up his Shield, while his wolf guided them a few steps to the right to dodge the male Death Eater’s _Confringo_. Where he had stood not even a second ago was now only a smoking black patch of burned grass. The wolf growled and Remus threw himself into an apparition. He reappeared behind Rodolphus and managed to again avoid being hit by the other’s _Defodio_ curse. The short expression of frustration in the Death Eater’s face was enough time for Remus to shoot a _Bombarda_ spell into the man’s chest. While it wasn’t the intended use of the spell, it did its work very effectively. Rodolphus was thrown off his feet and almost crashed into his wife several meters behind him.

Bellatrix yelled out in rage and threw another _Crucio_ curse at the werewolf. However, before the curse could leap across the clearing to hit Remus, the air started to vibrate with a sudden energy, causing the red spell to simply fall apart mid-air. Everything froze as the three enemies felt the wave of magical power roll over them, leaving them breathless. But it wasn’t the sheer amount of power that caused the werewolf to forget the situation he was currently in. It was the familiarity of the magic that almost made him tear up. The human’s mind didn’t understand why it felt so familiar, but it still frantically tried to locate the source of the magic. The wolf however, howled excitedly as it recognized the sudden presence of the long missed pub. But he quickly grew agitated when he realized that the wave of magic was already fading without a trail to follow. The human and his wolf desperately tried to catch the scent of the painfully familiar magical signature again, and by doing so they forgot their surroundings for a second too long. A second Bellatrix Lestrange used to cast her favorite curse once again. This time, the curse hit its target.

Remus and the wolf both cried out in pain as the _Crucio_ burned through them. Hot knives seemed to carve out parts of their flesh, digging deep into the skin to carve cruel pictures onto their bones. The wolf wanted to run away and hide, but as he was trapped inside the tortured human’s body, he grew more and more furious with every second. Meanwhile Remus felt his control slip with every additional second. He was screaming, his throat raw and his face frozen into a mask of pain. But Remus knew pain. He had known pain since his childhood, had grown up with it and still lived with it every single month. He knew pain and even while being torn apart, he was able to gain some control over his body. From somewhere far away he could hear the mad witch’s gleeful laugher, and he felt a rush of hatred fueling his efforts to gather his magic. On the outside his body shook with spasms of pain, but in the inside Remus was pushing it all aside, fighting for a clear mind.

He had seen a sign of Harry and he would find a way to follow it. He didn’t need to spend a single other miserable night in these forests, and with that knowledge he threw the _Crucio_ curse off and disapperated in the same moment. The last thing he heard was the disappointed wail of Bellatrix as she had to watch her victim disappear.

 

Apparating directly onto the small staircase that led to the front door of Grimmauld Place 12 was difficult on good days. Remus was not having a good day and he groaned in pain as he slammed down onto the stairs with a rather horrifying crunch of his bones. Breathing shakily for a few seconds he proceeded to ignore the blinding pain in his left leg and pushed himself up, raising his left arm to open the door. The first time he felt nothing but thin air between his fingers and the wizard had to lie down for a few more seconds to gather the strength to reach up again. On the second try he managed to grab the door knob and his breath turned into pained gasps as he used his whole body weight to turn the knob and open the door. The old door creaked as it opened and Remus dazedly thought that he had never heard something as beautiful as that sound.

Before he had the chance to even try to drag himself inside the house, a female voice suddenly cried out his name.

“Remus, oh my God, oh God, your leg, oh my – don’t move! Wait, I’ll help you…”, the voice said, and Remus realized that waiting was actually a very good idea. He groaned and allowed his body to slowly relax. His eyes were already closed when he was lifted by a Levitation Charm and his last coherent thought revolved around the fact that he needed to tell someone – everyone, he needed to tell everyone that Harry was still alive.

 

::…::…::

 

The bird had come back in the morning. It didn’t seem to be afraid of the human sitting in the middle of the forest. It also appeared to be very busy, collecting all kinds of small branches and fallen leaves. Harry observed it, oddly reminded of his friend Hermione. She also appeared to be busy all the time, always researching something, having new ideas and running around. And she always had the need to solve every problem in the exact same moment it occurred.

Harry groaned as he remembered his friends. They had probably driven all the adults insane with their worry about his disappearance. They tended to believe that he was useless on his own and he feared that this episode would simply encourage their worry. His hands itched and he looked down, smiling as he saw the little green sparks of energy jumping back and forth between his fingers. His magic was restless. It wanted to _do_ something and Harry wholeheartedly agreed. He wanted to move, to leave this forest and get to his friends as quickly as possible. He frowned slightly. Was his broom still at the Dursley’s? If yes, would he be able to summon it from here? He would have to find a way to make it work without his wand though… On the other hand – where exactly was _here_ anyway?

A sudden soft thrill made him look up and he gasped in surprise as he recognized the source of the noise. “Fawkes”, he whispered, staring at the phoenix in awe. He had always been impressed by the beautiful fire bird and it felt good to see someone familiar. He stood up, finally able to move with new energy. After satisfying its need for release, his blue magic had pulled itself deeper inside his mind, silently watching and always ready to help him.

The phoenix continued singing quietly as if he wanted to reassure Harry that he wasn’t alone. But he never looked at him directly, and Harry started to get an uneasy feeling about the whole situation. He wished he had a mirror to check on his appearance because he really didn’t _feel_ as if he had been starved almost to death. He felt... healthy. Sure, he was still a little bit tired, but he didn’t feel as if he had been imprisoned for a long time. It freaked him out. Maybe his magic had healed him, just like it had corrected his eyesight? Or maybe he had died and was a ghost. A ghost with a really bad sense of self-conception.

The young wizard stood up and walked over to the tree Fawkes was sitting in. The phoenix stopped singing and tilted his head slightly, as if he was trying to listen to something. Harry called out the familiar’s name again, but the phoenix was still ignoring him. He was about to shout at the fire bird, something that he probably would have regretted immediately, but an amused hiss stopped him.

 _“The phoenix can’t hear you,_ Avhar. _Just as he can’t see you, nor would he be able to touch you.”_

Harry turned around and watched the black snake move quickly towards him. _“Does that mean I am indeed dead?”_ , he asked. Now that he was thinking more clearly, the idea of being dead was terrifying. He didn’t want to be the only one able to safe the world from Voldemort, but nevertheless, it was his duty to do so. How would he fight Voldemort when he was already dead? He had never seen the Hogwarts ghosts fight, although he had to admit that Peeves could be quite destructive.

The snake stopped in front of him, her head swaying slightly with what Harry recognized was her way to shake her head. _“Not really.”_ , she answered, not very helpfully.

Harry stared at her. _“So… I’m alive?”_

The snake shook her head again. _“Not really.”_ , she answered again, even less helpfully.

Harry groaned and let himself drop down onto the grass, next to the snake. _“Could you_ please _, just once explain everything in full sentences? No metaphors, no weird names that you call me, just … easy sentences that explain this whole mess? Where am I? How am I alive? Or… why am I ‘not really’ dead?  Why is my body healed? Why can’t Fawkes see me?”_

The snake shifted nervously. _“Everything has its time and place,_ Avhar _, and…”_

 _“Well, the time is ‘now’ and the place is ‘here’ and the reason is ‘I’m bloody pissed off’.”_ , interrupted Harry the animal. He could feel his blue magic, the emotional center of his power the snake had explained, perk up and felt its approval as he expressed his frustration freely.

 _“There are rules I have to follow, young one.”_ , the animal answered, sounding slightly miffed. But before Harry had the chance to protest again, she continued. _“But I can answer some of your questions. We are in the forest close to the big place where many young ones stay. I believe you call it ‘Hogwarts’.”_

The snake obviously hadn’t finished talking yet, but Harry was too overwhelmed by her words too care. _“Hogwarts?? We are in – this is the Forbidden Forest? Wow, it doesn’t feel familiar at all… But that are great news! I should go to the castle immediately, tell Professor Dumbledore everything that happened…!”_

The snake had to hiss rather loudly to win back the wizard’s attention, and the fast swaying motion of her head showed her annoyance.   

 _“_ Avhar _, if you want me to explain everything, why do you not listen? And why do you call it ‘Forbidden’ forest? You’ve been here many times before.”_

Harry felt his cheeks heat with embarrassment. _“I’m sorry, I will let you talk. And well, it is forbidden for students to enter the forest because of the various dangerous creatures that live here. But I tend to… run into danger head-first most of the time, so…”_

_"Why would you forbid your young ones to enter a dangerous area? If they know that it is dangerous and they enter anyway, they are stupid. Stupid young ones don’t survive long, but it is their own fault, isn’t it? And if they survive then because they have learned, and then they aren’t stupid anymore.”_

Harry stared at the snake, trying to fight the image of the Sorting Hat deciding which students were ‘stupid’ and should be send into the Forbidden Forest. _“Um, well, we humans try to… you know… protect each other and well, not always, but… anyway, if a child is stupid, the older people around it should protect it.”_

The snake made a short movement with her head, as if she was trying to nod. _“That makes no sense, but nothing else should be expected of your kind.”_.

Harry felt slightly offended on behalf of the whole mankind, but he had to admit that the snake had a point. Nevertheless, he forced himself to ignore the remark and concentrate on the important matters.

_“Okay, so I am close to Hogwarts. Why can’t I go there and tell Professor Dumbledore everything?”_

_“Because just like his familiar, he won’t be able to see you, nor will he hear your words or be able to take your hand. And while the phoenix can sense your magic, the old human won’t. This is why his search for you after you released your magic was unsuccessful.”_

Harry looked down on his hands. They looked perfectly fine to him. Then he fully realized what the snake had said. _“Dumbledore was here?! To search for me?”_

_“Yes, he and the black wizard who likes snakes and flowers.”_

Harry stared at the snake, his mouth hanging wide open. _“Wait are you… do you mean Snape? Snape likes flowers??”_

_“I don’t know what a ‘Snape’ is, but I mean the black wizard who always searches for many different flowers in the forest. He takes them with him to the big place.”_

Harry chuckled. The mental image of Snape walking through the forest and picking up flowers was the funniest thing he had thought of in… probably weeks. Then his face fell. If Dumbledore hadn’t found him even though they were in the same forest, then what was he supposed to do? He looked down on the snake, his brows furrowed as he tried to understand what was going on.

_“But… why? Why can’t he see me, why can’t they find me?”_

The snake shifted again, as if she feared to say too much. _“As I told you before,_ Avhar, _I can’t tell you everything. But when you called for help, it wasn’t some wizard or spell that saved you – it was magic itself. And magic takes its price. But you are lucky – the magic likes you. So the price it took was small.”_

The raven-haired wizard laughed with no joy in his voice, his eyes wide. _“Small? Nobody can see me, or hear me or… this is worse than being a ghost! How can I help anyone like this? And I’ve tried casting spells without my wand and it doesn’t work! Nothing happens! How can I defeat Voldemort if I can’t even cast_ Lumos _??”_

The snake stared at him, completely still as if she had suddenly turned to stone. _“Young one, when you called out for help, the magic chose to answer your call. You were on the brink of death, only just holding onto your last breath. The magic chose to draw you back into this life and you should be thankful for that. It could have easily ignored you.”_

Harry groaned in frustration and sat down next to the black snake. _“Yes, I know. And I am thankful, of course I am! It would be awful to be dead, it would create so many problems. But what am I supposed to do now?”_

Hissing softly, the snake rested her head on the Harry’s left knee. _“As I said – you had to pay a prize, but it was small. Right now you are caught in between the Earth and the Darkness. But your power is free and even if you don’t know it yet, you have everything you need to become part of the Earth again.”_

Harry was quite sure that the snake’s words meant that he was currently half-dead and half-alive. Almost a ghost but not really since he wasn’t really dead. Well, now that he knew what had caused the problem, surely there would be a way to solve this whole mess. The thought gave him a little bit hope and he smiled slowly.

 _“Okay, so what do I have to do to… become part of the Earth again?”_ , he asked excitedly. He couldn’t wait to see his friends and tell them about all of this. Hermione would go crazy about the possibility to learn so much new stuff, and Ron would probably declare the whole thing “creepy and also kinda awesome”.

The snake swayed contently. _“Easy. You have to find your Mate and bind your magic to them.”_

Harry stared at the snake. _“Wha– Excuse me?”_

 _“Go to your Mate, tell them about this, bind your magic to them.”_ , the snake explained slowly.

 _“_ Tell _them? I thought nobody can hear me?”_

_“Obviously your Mate can see and hear you just fine.”_

_“Obviously.”_ , Harry repeated sarcastically. He tugged at his hair, leaving it in even more of a mess than its normal state. Just like his life. Find his mate? What the – why did stuff like this always happen to him?

The wizard too a deep breath. _“Find my Mate. Okay. Like… a girlfriend? My… partner?”_ Ginny wasn’t even his girlfriend anymore. He was girlfriend-less. This wasn’t easy at all.

The snake hissed impatiently. _“_ Avhar, _everyone knows what a Mate is. The one that mirrors your magic. The one that is destined to share your life, who will lead you to greatness and the other way around.”_

Harry frowned. That didn’t really sound like ‘girlfriend’. _“So… like a… Soulmate?”_. He felt silly just saying the word. Soulmates didn’t exist, the whole idea was stupid. Stupid enough to be send into the Forbidden Forest and left there to die.

 _“Yes. Well… I don’t know, I don’t know what you mean with ‘soul’, but I assume you finally know what I mean.”_. The snake sounded quite satisfied.

Harry laughed, slightly hysterical. _“Well, there’s only one problem… I don’t have a Mate.”_

The snake hissed nervously. _“Don’t be stupid, young one, of course you have a Mate. Your magic shows it openly.”_

 _“But I don’t!”_ , Harry insisted, slowly getting angry again. _“So how am I supposed to find my way back into the world of living, without a Mate?”_

Shifting around, the snake seemed to think about this for a few seconds. Then – _“I know!”_

Harry sat up a little bit straighter. _“Yes?”_

_“If you didn’t find your Mate yet, you need to find them now!”_

Harry groaned and let himself fall backwards on the warm grass. Apparently he would have to find a way to walk around as many people as he could while trying to find the one person, who could see him.

Great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really happy I managed to post this while it's still monday... Exams are upon me and I'm kind of loosing control over my life a little bit. Two weeks of this mess and hopefully I'll come out of it alive.
> 
> Now some unfortunate news: Because of my exams I won't be able to post the next chapter until monday in two weeks. I hope you understand that I really need to soley focus on my exams for the next two weeks.
> 
> Sorry :(
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter as well! Thanks for all the kudos and comments until now! Next chapter we finally start the new school year in Hogwarts :D


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